To My Daughters/Young Woman: Preparing For Your Happily Ever After

               

           I couldn’t believe it! I was about to be sealed to my eternal companion. I had so many feelings going through me; nervous, scared, and full of love. He was so handsome dressed in his white attire. I started to cry. It was such a special occasion for me; especially since my Grandpa was the one doing the sealing. I felt like a Princess about to become a Queen. I found my Prince Charming and I was his forever. He was everything I hoped for; tall, dark, and handsome. When I say tall; I mean 6ft 7in. tall! His blue eyes, dark hair and quiet personality made him who he is; but most importantly it was who he was that I truly fell in love with: a worthy priesthood holder who showed that by how he lived. His actions always spoke louder than his words. I felt blessed and I couldn’t help but wonder how I got so lucky. I realized it was through the Lord and a change that started years before in myself that got me there today.  A true change that started when I was only 15 years old.

That change in my spiritual self that I experienced I hope can help you, as a young woman or young single adult woman, that can prepare you for your Happily Ever After, like it prepared me.

I want to say I am far from perfect but I knew what I wanted in life. As many, I grew up in the church, and wanted that Dream Princess wedding. The beautiful gown, the hair, shoes, makeup, pictures, and of course being sealed to my prince in my favorite temple. But I didn’t just want any Prince; I had a “List” like all girls do about the qualities they want in a husband. I got those qualities; but it all started with me and who I was…

 It all started with listening to an EFY talk on CD called “What girls wish guys knew and Vice Versa” by Curtis Jacobs. (Seriously, go buy and listen to this talk…it will change your life!)  He talked about the qualities that girls wanted in guys and that guys wanted in girls.  But one thing he said really stood out to me.

                “If you want a good return missionary; then you be a good girl now.”

That hit my soul! If I wanted a good, worthy, return missionary, who will be the best husband and father to me and my children. I better be a good girl now. Not tomorrow, not right before I’m about to get sealed in the temple or even start dating.  I needed to change NOW! I had to be that list of qualities that I wanted in my future spouse. That’s when I started to look at my life and who I really was and what I really wanted.  I wanted that great marriage I see others have and I was willing to change.

It first started with my spiritual wellbeing. Reading scriptures, saying prayers, church attendance and paying a full tithe. I did all these things anyway but I wanted a testimony of it. How can I expect to marry someone with a strong testimony if I didn’t even have one myself. My testimony had to be my own and I could stand behind what I believed no matter what.

Next was my change in Media. I didn’t watch bad movies but those “it’s just one scene” or “there’s only a few bad words” effect you more than you know. So, I set a standard for myself that I wouldn’t watch anything my little sister couldn’t watch (who was ten years younger than me). I’ll never forget going through my movies and just throwing them away. The more I tossed them the better I felt. I was getting rid of things that really didn’t matter. The same goes with music, books, and all sorts of media that surrounds us. If I can’t feel the spirit while listening, watching, or reading; I don’t need to listen, watch, or read it. To this day, ten years later, this standard is still in my home. Which is good because I now Have three little girls of my own.

     Modesty. I always dressed modest but I wanted who I was to be modest too. This included how I talked to people, my character, and the language I used. But it started with how I dressed. Did my dress and skirts reach my knees. Was my clothing too tight? Were my arms covered? Was there too much cleavage showing.  Your whole wardrobe shouldn’t change just because you go to the temple; it should change because that’s your goal; The Temple!

“But guys only look at girls who have tight clothing and shorter skirts.” WRONG! In fact, my brother who just got back from a mission and has been going on dates with a lot of cute girls and many who wanted to go on dates with him but he wasn’t interested, so I eventually asked him why? He said “Amy, it’s because they dress immodest and that’s not what I’m looking for.” Girls, there are good men out there and how you dress will either attract or detract from the kind of people who will ask you out and eventually marry.  I married one of those good men.

Another talk that changed who I was, was given by Elder Richard G. Scott called “The Transforming power of faith and character.”

Here’s the link: (read it!)

 https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/the-transforming-power-of-faith-and-character?lang=eng

                Next, being and staying Virtuous. As young woman we are talked to a lot about being virtuous and saving it until marriage. Now, some of you may have made mistakes; and while physical things cannot be restored, virtue can. The atonement is strong and works and you can be made whole again. 

                So why? Why is it so important?  I’ll never forget after the sealing was done and the reception party was over we were driving to Salt Lake to our first night as husband and wife. My husband was so nervous and talking more than usual and I couldn’t help but laugh, since he usually is more quiet.  But my conscience was clear, I saved myself for him and he for me. It was special and there was no other thoughts of another person, or hurt, or broken heartache. When you play with fire before marriage; the only thing it can do is burn. It leaves scars. When you do something so sacred and something that only expresses the highest form of love outside the bonds of marriage it; it leaves behind empty promises, and broken hearts. Know that a man who truly loves you will guard your virtue and treat you as the daughter of God you are and deserve. Also, in return do the same for him; stay virtuous, it makes it easier for the both of you to reach your goal of temple marriage.

                Friends. Friends influence you more than you know. Look at what your friends do, how they act, how they treat others. You can be a good influence on your friends and make a change. Stand up for yourself and those around you. Include everyone. In fact you may even marry one of your friends…I did!

                I met Gerret back in High School Sophomore year. We worked at the YMCA as lifeguards. It wasn’t until Junior year that we had a Chemistry class together. At the beginning of the semester I sat on the opposite side of the room from him. Coach Walling announced that the next day we better sit where we wanted because that would be our assign seating for the rest of the semester. I’m grateful for the Holy Ghost and the prompting to go sit next to that tall and quiet boy who intrigued me the next day. We became friends, lab partners, and who knew that five years later we would become permanent eternal partners.

                He was my friend and still is. He influences me more than anyone and for the better.

Young woman as you change your inner beauty will become your outer beauty. Have you ever met someone who is just beautiful because of the kind of person they are? I have. They just glow because of the goodness that radiates from them. I honestly believe that verse in Matthew 6: 22 ”The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.”  True beauty is who you are on the inside. No make-up, high end clothing, or what your body looks like can replace what true beauty is; your inner righteousness.

Trust in the Lords timing. I remember coming to college and thinking I’d be the typical Mormon girl who got married right away and was living the dream. But it didn’t happen and now I look back and I’m glad it didn’t. I got married at 22…3 years later than what I expected. I had a lot of fun dating though during those years I learned a lot about myself.  In fact, I couldn’t have gotten married because my now husband was on a mission during the time and the Lord knew that. (It’s an amazing story in itself and I know the Lords hand was in everything). So trust in him. Trust that he is preparing you and maybe he is preparing someone else to be worthy as well. The Lord can work wonders and sometimes wonders can take time. I would do it all again knowing that what I have now was SO worth the wait…in fact I would wait longer if it meant I would be with Gerret! For some that wait may be not until the next life, but the promise that if you continue to do all you can those blessings of eternal marriage will come. In a way it’s a comfort knowing that if you do your part the Lord will do his.
The Lord knows you best and exactly what you need. Remember that list I talked about earlier. Well over the years it changed and it got smaller and smaller. In the end I just wanted a good man who would love me and was worthy. Who would be a great father and husband. That is what I got and so much more. So, make your list of things that truly matter and the Lord will take care of the rest...and maybe some tall, dark and handsome may just be part of the deal. 

Young woman, stay close to the Lord and your Happily Ever After will happen. Keep your standards high because if you do the Lord will prepare a young man for you who has those same standards.  Water reaches its own level (as in; you marry the person who is like you). You are choice daughters and he loves you so much. I’m grateful for the influence of leaders, the gospel and friends who helped me shape who I am today and especially my Prince Charming who made righteous choices; that he became my Happily Ever After.

With  Love, Amy